It was Wednesday night. And of course, I should have been focusing on the singing. But I was bored by the singing - and the fashion was so. . . ehm...out there - I decided that for this episode of Idol, we were going to talk about that.
I've noticed that Ryan typically wears the same black suit every week lately. Not that he doesn't look great in the black suit. I mean, he does. Every man does, honestly. You can't really f*ck with a black suit. Well, you can. It can be double breasted. And over sized. And the pants can be too short... well, you are starting to get the picture. But if the suit fits well and is tailored right, it's pretty much a win-win. But, Ryan could mix it up, right? How about a charcoal suit... or what about a white shirt unbuttoned instead of a tie... or the typical monochromatic look?
Let me just focus on our judges for a second. What year is it? If you focused on them just for a second, you wouldn't know if it was 2011 or 1987. Steven has a glittery "top" on, fashioned after the West Palms Senior Center of Boca Raton Womens Club. Jennifer's not far behind with her leopard full length belted mu mu. And Randy... well, he's got on something from the Randy Jackson denim collection .
Okay, so we are in the actual competition now... Naima. I really like what her dad had on in the interview. Who doesn't like an understated Shaka Zulu robe? Naima always has more accessories on than a Claire's Boutique Sales Associate. And you have to respect that. Well, at least I do. I love accessories. As long as I can remember, I have worn hats, fingerless gloves, earrings, rings, legwarmers, socks on top of socks, belts, sunglasses and then maybe just to set it off, a brooch or something. Because nothing quite says "hey, it's Tuesday," like a full-on daisy pin the size of your head pinned to the side of a felt hat. So, I say Bravo, Naima.
Paul. He is wearing a bolo tie. I never had one, but my brother Larry did. I always wanted his... maybe not because I actually wanted one, but because he had one. Either way, he wore it on school picture day when they were doing those yearbook "club" pics or whatever, so in 1977, he will be forever known as The Boy With The Bolo Tie (in 400 pictures).
Thia. She is wearing a nude colored full length cocktail gown. You know, I'm never given enough opportunities in life to wear flesh colored skin-tight clothing. You can't wear it to work (contrary to popular belief), you can't wear it to church (not that I go there), you can't wear it to parties (because all of the other girls are wearing it)... I'm just glad that she finally found her opportunity.
James. I don't really know what to say about him other than he needs to lose that scarf ASAP. I don't understand why men insist on wearing scarves tied around their belt loops and or thighs or that whole thing. Ugh... unless you are an actual cowboy, you don't get a pass on the bandanna.
Haley. Okay, I can't talk about her outfit because she has more lipstick on her teeth and chin than Baby Jane.
Stefano. I've never understood the need to wear a suit and high tops. Gentlemen, this is NEVER a good look. Nope. There is NO circumstance where this would work. Nope, I don't care if you ARE Michael Jordan. It doesn't work. Wear a pair of dress shoes. You took the time to put on a dress shirt, some dress pants and a jacket. What are you, a hobo? (Insert New York accent here)
Pia. Let's talk about shirts with cut-out shoulders, shall we? And then let's talk about pants that balloon out at the hips. And then let's talk about jumpsuits. And then let's talk about how flattering white satin is on everyone. Okay. I'm done.
Scotty. He's so vanilla, it's like talking about a glass of water. What am I supposed to say? ( Other than he makes my ears bleed - but we aren't talking about the singing this time...)
Karen. Oooh, can I say, my girl got a Bump-It for Christmas? And a bedazzler?
Casey. Is it a tie or an ascot? I've always been kind of sad that the British got the ascots. Why is it that only British men can pull this look off and not look like douche bags? Basically, if you tried, as an American man to wear one, you would get called a douche bag (or worse). It's really a travesty. I mean, how cool does David Bowie look in one of these, right?
Lauren. I don't want to talk about her. I want to talk about her mom. I want to talk about the fact that she is wearing a Day-Glo t-shirt in 2011. Her mom is at least 38... she had betta know betta (can you see me swinging my finger back and forth?).
Jacob. I love Maybelline and so does Jacob.
Well, my friends... that's a wrap. Oh except can I just say that I really needed Scotty the bad Kuntry Karaoke dude to be the one booted off.? Not that Karen doesn't deserve to be booted off. She wasn't gonna win it . . . but I think she should have stayed another week or two. My pick to win? Why Casey of course. He won't win - because I want him to and because he is the most talented one on the show...and he has the balls to do Nirvana.
That's an official wrap now. Peace out Bitches. Have a good weekend.
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