Contemplation

I'm not in a very good frame of mind. I don't really have a reason to not be happy right now - and frankly I don't know that I'm not  happy. I'm just in a not so good place right now.

I feel like my feelings don't matter too much right now. To anyone. I say my opinion and I get told why it's not correct. I say how I feel and somehow, everyone elses feelings are more important, more valid, more right. I thought I was just being super sensitive, too needy....until I gave lots of examples to my shrink of how I am treated like I am a nothing - and she agrees. I am treated like my feelings don't matter.

So then the question becomes, why do I allow people to treat me that way? I don't know. I just wish I had a way to take a little wand and every time someone starts treating me like that I could wave it and *poof* time would freeze and I could smack the person in the face. Ha! That would be awesome.

Seriously, I have to figure out why I allow this to happen, why I choose to let people in my life who don't really care about ME - who only care about how they can make themselves feel better by treating me like crap. That's an interesting idea.

Contemplate. That is what I will do. Contemplate.