I know - it's been days since I have posted. I just have so much going on in my mind that in some ways it makes it hard to think.
It is awesome knowing my sweet son is married to a wonderful gal and they will give me beautiful grand babies. HA! That sounds like such an archaic thing to say - but it's the truth. Because what it all comes down to is family. No matter what I do or where I go, it's about family. Which is why this has been such a difficult week for me.
I am trying to figure out how to deal with my mother and her behavior at my sons wedding. The fact is - she is an alcoholic. But - lately - she is mean and awful even when she is sober. So - I don't know exactly what to do about this. I have to say something. I have to put a stop to it. I have to. Because the truth is, I can't emotionally handle any more of her mean, hateful, ugly outbursts. I can't handle her criticism. Her anger. Her cutting words. Some how, I have to save myself. It might be that the only way to do that is to completely distance myself from her. But, she is my mother. The part of me that is a little child no matter how old I get says "don't stand up to her, she's your mother. Just do what it takes to make her happy..." because that's what I have learned to do.
But - I can't continue to live my life as a small child. My goodness - I'm nearly 50 years old. I have four grown children. I have a grand baby coming. I am an adult. If someone that was not a family member treated me the way she does, said the things to me that she does, acted in public the way she does - I would no longer spend time with them. I would not associate with them at all. So why does it make it okay for her to do those things, if I wouldn't tolerate it from someone else? Shouldn't we expect at the very LEAST as good from our family as we do from our friends and coworkers? Should the standard for how family treat each other be at LEAST as high or higher?
I know the answer is a resounding 'Yes'. So - how to handle it. I could - of course- have a verbal conversation with her. But - I know her. And I know that she will turn it around and twist everything and deny and make it not what it started out to be. It makes it feel like the answer is a letter. Whether in email or hand written. I think - if I email it - then at least I can have proof of exactly what is said so I don't get accused of something she makes up. And how terrible is that, that I have to worry about having PROOF of what is said? That right there should be evidence enough that this situation must be dealt with. ~~sigh~~ It won't be easy.
I will more than likely be writing about this some more. So I apologize in advance for the depressing nature of my posting. I just have to get it off my chest - and here seems to be the safest place.
It's the one place she can't find me.
that is hard. I agree that writing a letter to have proof of what you said is important. She will get mad and say mean things and accuse you....so just use your letter to back up that you are innocent and she is guilty. Put in references to mean things she has said and how you were patient or tolerant. And when she gets mean just open your letter and repeat yourself like a broken record. She will eventually grow weary and stop. But be prepared a few years from now or when you are weak she will be mean again if she is still in your life. I hate mommy issues and daddy issues.
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