Thursday, January 20, 2011

Two Things

The weather is icky. Okay. So what. So - it's icky. ( I happen to love icky weather - not ice mind you - and I don't particularly like to drive in heavy rain at night - but - I do kind of love snow, cloudy days, thunderstorms...). So today - it's icky. It's snowing. It's not like we have never had snow here before, PEOPLE. So - 7 mph on I-70 is just STUPID. If the BEST you can do is 7 mph then get the H-E- double toothpicks OFF of the highway. Drive on surface streets at 7 mph. Get the Flip out of my WAY.

ehemmm..... sorry.........had to get that off my chest. . .

So yesterday afternoon was really awful for me. I had a pretty major panic attack at the office - and it took quite some time for me to calm all the way down. The trigger? Four very nice young black gentlemen were sitting in the waiting area in front of my office. That's it. It wasn't them. They were delightful young men, and we had a delightful conversation. But - it was four young black men that broke in to my home when I was alone and terrified. Apparently seeing four of them in a group triggered my inner fear and started a panic attack. The shrink says it's normal. I think it's pathetic. These gentlemen were kind, considerate, sweet, intelligent young men. . . yet my body reacted in a way that triggered a panic attack. I'm pathetic.

Saturday is going to be a big test for me. My husband has to be at the office all day. . . could very well be a very late night. The shrink says I'm supposed to stay there alone as long as I can stand it - that the only way to conquer this is to deal with it head on. I'm already terrified and it's a couple of days away yet. Pray for me - if'n you are of the prayin' kind. If not - send me some good Karma - please. I think I'm gonna need it.

1 comment:

  1. I'll be praying for you.

    I find it very difficult to predict what will trigger my PTSD. And, yes, I feel foolish when it happens. My mind understands that I am safe in that moment but somewhere inside it triggered a flight response. Sometimes it takes me days to get through it.

    Understanding what it is has helped. For a long time it was happening and I didn't understand why. That was so much worse. It gets better. But it still sucks when it happens.

    Good luck. You can do it.