Thursday, May 5, 2011

Anxiety

I'm having an anxiety attack even as I speak. I can't figure out why - except to say that I am a little overwhelmed and a lot sad.

The mess that is my life is getting under my skin. It's drama. Drama. DRAMA all the time. I am sick to death of it. Things that used to make me happy, don't any more. Things that used to make me feel fulfilled as a person just get on my nerves. Things I used to enjoy are making me very very cranky.

I obviously need this vacation. But I am anxious about that too. It makes me a nervous wreck to be gone from work for a week. It's like - I don't want them to realize they could do this without me. I don't want them to find something I inadvertently left undone. I don't want to be a failure when I'm not there to defend myself.  I clearly need a Xanax.

Or a martini.

Or both.

Someone talk me off the ledge....please....

1 comment:

  1. I hate moments like that. I'm sorry you're struggling right now and hope it passes quickly.

    Take a few deep breaths. I notice when my stress levels climb I tend to breathe more shallowly. This increases stress on my body and keeps my mind from thinking properly. Can you find 30 minutes today to relax? A bubble bath by candlelight, eyes closed, breathing deeply. Stop by your favorite restaurant and order a dessert to go; eat in your car if you have to in order to be alone. Turn off the phone.

    Sometimes it helps to do a stress dump. On paper or on the computer. Just write everything that comes to mine that is causing stress. Bills you need to pay, people who are not acting the way you want, your health. Everything. Just write. Don't judge anything that comes out. Don't think, "I shouldn't worry about that" or "It's no big deal." If it's on your mind then it is a big deal. At least right now it is. When you're done, look at the list. No wonder you're stressed. You can do more here by deciding which ones you have power and control over, which ones you can fix, and which ones you should let go. Some of them probably aren't even your stewardship to fix. Or maybe that's too much. Sometimes just writing them down gives your brain permission to let some of them go for a while. You won't forget them because they are written down. That means your brain can quit thinking about them for a while.

    Okay, now I'm off to take my own advice. Thanks for this post. I'm in a similar place and writing all this out helped me see some things I need to do.

    I hope you find some peace soon.

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